


Comfort in the Stars

by Intricate6



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Child Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Flashbacks, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2019-10-18 23:23:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17590376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Intricate6/pseuds/Intricate6
Summary: Hyunjin seemed perfect. He seemed to have his life together. He was the model student, always striving to be the best. However, he had his demons. Demons that hid deep inside his head. In fact, only his best friend Changbin knew why Hyunjin strived for perfection, why he flinched at sudden movements. He was the only one who knew what really happened behind closed doors.





	1. Chapter 1

Hyunjin looked at the math test his teacher had just handed back to him and ran a nervous hand through his hair. A big red 85 was circled at the top of his paper and Hyunjin felt his heart sink. He was so screwed.  As the teacher started to drone on about how this test was harder than usual and that it wasn’t the end of the world if you didn’t get the grade you wanted, there was still plenty of time in the semester to bring your grade back up, Hyunjin pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Changbin:

_ Is it okay if I go over to your house after school? _

His response was immediate: 

Yeah, np. Not the grade u wanted in math?

_ 85 _

Oof, spend the night if u need 

_ Nah, it’ll be okay _

Hyunjin quickly turned off his phone after responding to that last text, and tuned back into what the teacher was saying, not wanting to face the inevitable disapproving text from his best friend. 

The teacher put the scores for the test on the board and Hyunjin noted that the class average was a 65, but he knew that wasn’t an excuse and he should’ve tried harder, should’ve gotten a 100. The kid sitting next to him leaned over look at his paper. “Wow an 85! I wish I could be that smart!”

Hyunjin gave him a bright smile, hoping that the boy wouldn’t notice its pained undertone. He had an image to keep. “I peer tutor on Friday mornings if you ever want any help or anything.”

“Thanks, I’ll definitely come in sometime!”

Hyunjin gave him his brightest, happiest smile, before discretely covering his score, not wanting any more unwanted questions. He couldn’t afford any more distractions and he attentively listened to the teacher going over the answers to the test. They was no way he was going to make this many mistakes on a math test ever again. 

The teacher moved on from going over the test to teaching a new lesson and Hyunjin quickly pulled out his notebook and forced himself to pay attention, diligently taking notes. He was going to ace his next test. He had to. The rest of the class was on their phones, doodling in their notebooks and otherwise occupied. It was the last class of the day before the weekend and most of his classmates were thinking about things other than math. He forced himself to ignore the whispered conversations about parties that whirled around him and focused on his teacher’s monotone voice drone on about integrals. On an usual day Hyunjin would be whispering along with the rest of the class, quickly copying down problems to study later, but today he couldn’t risk it. Even his carefully crafted image wasn’t worth sacrificing his grade for. 

All too soon the bell was ringing and the whole class jumped up, quickly shoving their things into their bags and practically sprinting out of the room. Hyunjin, on the other hand, slowly organized all of his papers before sliding them into his bag and carefully zipping it up. He then gracefully stood up, slung his bag over his shoulder, said goodbye to the teacher, and strolled out of the classroom. In the hallway, smiled and waved to people as he sauntered down the hall, exuding his normal aura of confidence.

“Hey man! See you at the party for swim on Saturday?” Chan called out from across the hall. 

“You know it.” Hyunjin responded, continuing to walk on.

Chan wouldn’t mind Hyunjin’s brevity; he was co-captain with Hyunjin of the swim team and always gave him a ride to practice in the morning since Hyunjin didn’t have a car. 

After several more quick conversations, Hyunjin finally met up with Changbin outside of the school. 

“Hey man! Wassup?” He held out his hand, initiating their handshake which eventually ending with a bro hug.

“I’m good,” Changbin responded with a smile, “But, are you sure you’ll be okay to go home tonight?”

“Of course. I just need to go to your house to grab a quick snack and get by homework done, then I’ll head back home. You know if I spend the night I’ll just cause more problems for myself in the future.”

“I know, but…”

“I’ll be okay, Changbin. I always am.”

Changbin furrowed his brow and kicked at the ground muttering “But you’re not,” under his breath. 

Hyunjin just pretended that he didn’t hear his friend and launched into an elaborate story about some drama that he’d heard from one person in his Chemistry class who’d heard it from another person who swears they’d been there, but could’ve been drunk, but that didn’t really matter because someone else also thinks that they saw the same thing, and anyways they both think that maybe the quarterback was cheating on his girlfriend with a cross country runner during a party, but he might’ve been drunk or otherwise inebriated, and…Hyunjin suddenly stopped, losing his train of thought as they passed by a park where a mom was pushing her little kid on the swing, both of them laughing. 

Changbin lightly laid his fingertips on Hyunjin’s shoulder and urged him to keep walking.

“Sorry,” Hyunjin muttered, “I got a little distracted. So, how was your day?”

“Same as always. But I did get an A on my English test, so that went well at least.” Changbin looked down at the ground, scuffing his feet, belatedly realizing that he shouldn’t have mentioned his good grade in front of Hyunjin who had just gotten a B on his math test.

But, Hyunjin didn’t seem the slightest bit bothered by the news, instead praising his friend, “Changbin, that’s amazing! I know that you studied really hard for that test. You know what, I was thinking of starting an English Club if you want to help me with that. Mrs. Lee already promised to sponsor the club if I could get enough people to attend. Do you want to help me run it?”

Changbin sighed at his friend’s over excitedness over this new club he wanted to start. Hyunjin was always doing things like this, trying to improve his image, trying to prove to the world that he was worthy when he was already perfect.

“Sure, I’ll help you,” Changbin answered, “but only if you promise to treat me to a movie sometime.”

“It’s a deal!” Hyunjin exclaimed as they reached Changbin’s house. 

Hyunjin practically pranced up to the paint-chipped door and patiently waited as Changbin fiddled with the key in the lock, trying to get the old thing to properly work. Finally, the door creaked open and the pair entered the old house. 

Changbin’s house was small, but clean. You entered into the living room which then had  a door to the cramped, outdated kitchen. Off to the side was a hallway that lead to the room that Changbin shared with his younger brother and sister, their parents’ room, and the only bathroom. 

Changbin had stopped being embarrassed about house a long time ago when Hyunjin had admitted one day that if he had the choice he would never leave the Seo household and just live there forever. 

 

As usual, when Hyunjin entered he headed straight to the kitchen, greeting Changbin’s mom on the way, “Hello Mrs. Seo! How was your day at work?”

“I’m glad it’s the weekend.” Mrs. Seo was an elementary school teacher and on the best of days her class was rambunctious. 

“Me too, this week was so hectic.” Hyunjin answered prompting both Changbin and his mom to roll their eyes, knowing that Hyunjin much preferred the busyness of his school schedule to the comparable monotony of the weekends.  

“Mom, is it okay if we grab a snack?” 

“Yeah, eat whatever you want.” Mrs. Seo waved her hand in a dismissal to the two boys as if to communicate that there was no need for them to ask for such a simplistic thing. 

They headed into the kitchen and fell into their usual rhythm of Changbin preparing and heating up the ramen while Hyunjin washed and cut up the fruit. In a matter of minutes, the two were heading back out of the kitchen towards the table arms laden with food. 

Changbin was barely even fully seated when Hyunjin started tearing into the food like a ravenous wolf. Changbin raised his eyebrows at Hyunjin’s actions, but didn’t comment. They had spent their lunch in the library so that Hyunjin could do his homework due in his afternoon classes, and it was likely that he hadn’t had anything to eat yet today. Usually Changbin made sure that he had at least a snack in their lit class--the only class other than lunch that they shared, but there was a pop quiz and he had forgotten. Now, he could just subtly slide his best friend more food as he ate as if he wasn’t sure when his next meal was going to be. 

Before Changbin could stand up to gather more food for his starving friend, the door burst open and two screaming bullets streaked into the room. Changbin’s younger brother and sister. The two ran around excitedly yelling about some birthday party they were invited to go to. Hyunjin finally looked up from his food with a smile and caught Chinhae in a hug as he ran by.

“How was your day today?”

“It was great!” Hajoon answered for her brother, leaping into Hyunjin’s lap. 

“Yeah, Chinhae said, “We got to make clay sculptures in art today.”

Hyunjin laughed as the twins started to fight over the limited space on his lap, “Do you two want anything to eat? There’s some fruit and ramen right here.”

“Yeah!” Chinhae exclaimed.

Changbin frantically shook his head at his younger brother who comically stopped just as he was about to grab a piece of fruit. “Oh, uh, I’m actually not that hungry.” he muttered running off to the kitchen with Hajoon to get their own snacks.

Hyunjin sighed and looked up at Changbin. “He was fine. I have plenty of food.”

Changbin just rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, now finish eating.”

“You’re so dramatic. I eat plenty,” Hyunjin responded as he began to once again shovel food into his mouth.

“Whatever,” Changbin muttered low enough that Hyunjin didn’t hear him. He made a mental note to bring extra food on Monday to hopefully help make up for all the eating Hyunjin most likely wouldn’t be doing over the weekend.

Soon Hyunjin was finally done eating and the twins were running out the door yelling that they were going to the park down the street, leaving the house peacefully quiet. 

“What should we work on first? Lit or Math?”

“You work on math, I need to do chem right now.” Changbin answered, rifling through his disorganized backpack until he finally found his lab notebook. “Ah, here it is. Now, how do you define a Bronsted-Lowry acid?”

“Donates a proton,” Hyunjin droned, not even looking up from his calculator. 

“Maybe that was a rhetorical question Mr. I-know-everything.”

Hyunjin didn’t answer. Changbin sighed and started to fill in his data table. 

 

An hour later they were finally on to their lit homework when Hyunjin suddenly groaned and plopped his head onto the table, “It’s time for me to go home.” he mumbled into the wood, “I don’t want to go home.”

“Then don’t, just stay here forever. You can sleep in my bed with me.” Changbin offered.

“Tempting, but you know I can’t.”

“Don’t say that,” Changbin protested, “No one can control the great Hyunjin. You can do whatever you want. The world is your oyster.”

Hyunjin laughed weakly, “I wish that was true.” 

The mood suddenly dropped. Hyunjin began to gather his things. 

“Please?” Changbin put as much emotion as he possibly could into that one word.

“Maybe one day.” Hyunjin looked sad, on the verge of tears. Changbin quickly ran to him and enveloped him in a warm embrace.

“One day,” he solemnly repeated back to his friend.

They walked out of the door together, arms linked as they started the long walk to Hyunjin’s house. The walk was silent. Neither boy knew what to say.

They stopped their journey a block from Hyunjin’s gleaming mansion. Wordlessly, Changbin hugged Hyunjin as tight as he possibly could. Hyunjin hugged him back as if to reassure Changbin he was going to be fine. “See you later.” Hyunjin said breaking out of the embrace.

“See you later.” Changbin hollowly repeated watching as his friend walked towards his house. It felt like a death sentence. Once Hyunjin rounded the corner and Changbin could no longer see him, Changbin turned around and slowly started the long trek home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on posting this later this week, but you know, impulsiveness.
> 
> I hope that you enjoy this fic! I’ve worked so hard on planning it and I’m so proud of my work so far!!
> 
> I plan to update weekly on Wednesdays (maybe the day of the week isn’t finalized yet)
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!! I love to hear what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

 

Hyunjin quietly opened the front door, trying his best to sneak into the house unnoticed. He was halfway down the hall when he heard the sharp voice of his father call his name. “Hyunjin! Get your butt over here. Now!”

Hyunjin winced, but slowly pivoted on his heel and trudged down the hall as if walking slowly would greatly prolong the time before he had to face his father. It didn’t. In a matter of seconds Hyunjin found himself standing in front of his father’s imposing figure, staring down at the tiled floor sparkling in the light. 

“Look at me.” his father demanded. Hyunjin forced his eyes to stare into his father’s soulless ones, praying for mercy. “So I checked your grades today,” his father started out, “and I noticed something happened in math. Would you care to explain to me what happened?”

“No sir,” Hyunjin’s eyes dropped back down to his father’s perfectly polished black shoes. 

“Do you realize that you got an 85 on you math test?” Hyunjin’s father growed.

Hyunjin didn’t answer, just kept his eyes downcast.

“Do you realize how much of a failure you are? You’re not worthy of the last name of Hwang. You’re useless, complete garbage. Just my waste of space, hopeless son, who can’t even ace a simply math test.”

“I’m sorry sir, I’ll try harder in the future, sir.” Hyunjin said, eyes never leaving the ground.

Suddenly a meaty hand was gripping his chin, forcing Hyunjin to look into his father’s eyes, “You’re a failure. Do you understand? How do you expect to succeed in life if you can’t do such a simple thing?” Spit was flying into Hyunjin’s face. His father was starting to get really worked up now. The grip on his chin was beginning to ache, but Hyunjin didn’t dare move. He was too afraid of his father.

“I can’t believe that you’d ruin the family image like this. You’re a reflection of me and if you can’t get a perfect score on your test, then what does that say about me? It’s insulting. Are you trying to fail, boy? Do you think that it’s funny when you fail? Answer me!”

“N-no sir,” Hyunjin stuttered.

“Then why do you keep doing it? You know that this sort of score is unexceptable, yet time after time I have to beat it out of you. When will you ever learn? We only accept perfection in this house and an 85 is not perfect!” 

The open palm that left its stinging path across Hyunjin’s face was not a surprise, but he wished that it was. Hyunjin wished that he could just be better, do better, be perfect. If he was perfect he wouldn’t have to suffer through the constant beatings from his father, wouldn’t have to deal with his mother’s disappointment. His father was right, he couldn’t do anything right. Not even a stupid math test.

Hyunjin dropped to the ground and curled into a ball, knowing that his dad would yell at him for not “taking it like a man”, but he couldn’t afford any more blows to his face--there was only so much makeup could cover up. 

His dad continued to scream at Hunjin in his rage and kick at his curled up body, but Hyunjin tuned him out. He had heard enough times about how he was a failure, useless, good-for-nothing, spoiled, selfish, and had been called so many other names that he couldn’t even keep track of them all. 

Finally, the screaming and kicking came to an end when his dad spit on his prone form, “You’re garbage. I can’t believe you're my son,” he hissed.

Hyunjin only dared to cautiously climb to his feet when several minutes had passed and he was sure his dad was done for the time being. Carefully, he untangled his long limbs, wincing as he climbed on his feet. He was definitely going to have a couple of bruises.

As he limped to the kitchen, Hyunjin tried to rack his brain for more excuses on how he got so bruised up:  _ Fell down the stairs? _ No, he’d used that one too much.  _ Tripped walking home?  _ And bruised up his face and ribs? That would be some talent.  _ Fell off his bike?  _ That one actually wasn’t that bad. Now that he had his alibi, he opened the freezer to grab an ice pack.

A disapproving voice cleared their throat behind him: his mom.

“Oh, uh, hi Mom. How was your day today?” Hyunjin quickly spun around, holding the ice pack behind his back and kicking the freezer closed. 

His mom pursed her perfectly painted lips and glared at her son, “What’d you do this time?” she drawled, sounding almost bored.

“Oh, ha, well, I may have gotten an 85 on my math test.” Hyunjin winced after he quickly mumered those damning words, waiting for his mom’s disapproval.

 Not one to disappoint, Hyunjin’s mom scoffed in disgust. “I knew I never should’ve had kids. They’re always such screws ups, aren’t they, Hyunjin?”

“Yes, Mother,” Hyunjin suddenly found the tile fascinating.

“Say it. You have to say it or else the lesson doesn’t sink in. Say it, child. Say ‘I’m a no good, worthless, screw up.’” 

Hyunjin parroted the horrible words back to her and sighed in relief once she left the kitchen, finally leaving him totally alone. He grabbed an ice pack and an apple off the counter, certain he wasn’t going to get dinner tonight, before hobbling up the stairs to his room.

On his way up, he made a quick pit-stop in the lavishly decorated bathroom to assess his injuries. Walking in, he cringed when he caught sight of himself in the sizable mirror. His face was already sporting the signs of a bruise blossoming across his cheekbones. His arms and back were littered with a similar sight, contusions peppered across his body. However, Hyunjin was used to the sight of his beat up body. He had given up long ago on trying to please his parents, on trying to get on their good side. It only made it hurt that much more when he made a mistake and they beat him. No, what really shocked Hyunjin was the look in his eyes. 

He looked dead on the inside, defeated. He had the look of a man who had given up all hope on life, who was just going through the actions of living, never really, truly caring. 

That wouldn’t do. He was Hwang Hyunjin. The perfect boy. He was class president, valedictorian, everyone loved him. He could not look like he was dead on the inside; he had an image to uphold. He had to be bright, smiley, perfect, the peppy, preppy boy. So Hyunjin looked in the mirror and thought of puppies, kittens, Chinhae, Hajoon, Changbin. Anything that would bring a smile to his face, rekindle the fire in his eyes. 

When Hyunjin looked into the mirror again he recognized the boy who stared back at him. He was the boy that was always happy, smiling even though his face was bruised, his body battered. That boy was the embodiment of hope, of cheer, of joy. That boy was who Hyunjin had to be, maybe then his parents would be proud of him. Maybe one day.

Hyunjin let out a bitter laugh at that thought. How foolish could he be? His parents had never loved him and they were never going to. He just needed to keep up his image for the rest of his school life, try his best to limit the number of beatings he got and then go to a college far, far away. 

He rolled his eyes one more time at his foolishness and then finished cleaning himself up, before heading to his room, pressing his ice pack to his swelling face. 

Hyunjin’s room, like everything else about him, was a lie. His room was painted in cheerful pastel yellow color complemented by his white desk, white dresser, sprawling white bed. Everything about his room screamed cheerful. That is, except his closet. 

Hyunjin’s parents never entered his walk-in closet. No one did. Except for him and Changbin. He smiled as he walked into the small room housing his clothes and remembered the weekend when his parents were gone, off at some fancy party overseas or something, and Hyunjin had snuck Changbin in with several cans of midnight blue and black paint. They had thrown all of Hyunjin’s clothes onto the floor of his room and started painting. Hyunjin was in charge of covering the small room with large swaths of paint, while Changbin, the artist, blended the blue and black together in the middle and painted constellations across the walls and ceilings with the glow-in-the-dark paint they had found. 

When they were done, Hyunjin’s closet had been transformed. It was now a seamless transition from twilight to midnight, the new moon absent, letting the stars shine their very brightest. It was beautiful. It was the only place in his house that Hyunjin felt at home. It was the only place that was truly  _ his _ ; it reflected who he was--not who his parents wanted him to be. It was Hyunjin’s one small rebellion, his one small comfort in the treacherous house in which he resided.   

Now, Hyunjin laid there in the dark, looking at the stars still faintly glowing after all these years, and he smiled sadly. For a moment all of his pain was forgotten and he could just be himself. Hyunjin could escape in his closet, he could pretend that he was exploring the stars, not stuck in his boring, painful existence. 

 

Eventually, though, he had to leave his safe haven, knowing that he’d be screwed if his parents walked into his room and saw him sleeping in his closet. If that happened, his one safe place would be destroyed, obliterated forever. He could never risk that, so Hyunjin stiffly clambered into his bed and listened to see if his parents were still home.

On the days that he was lucky, his parents would be going out later that night, leaving him alone to nurse his wounds and maybe get something more than an apple to eat, but fate wasn’t on Hyunjin’s side that night and he was never graced by the telltale rumble of the garage door opening; instead he had to go bed hungry, hearing his parents downstairs all night, probably planning the next big gala or something similar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I spontaneously decide to post this while in school? Yes, yes I did. I promise that I’m not actually doing anything important right now lol. Anyways, I hope that you enjoy this chapter. I’m actually really proud of it!!


	3. Chapter 3

Hyunjin was startled out of his sleep by the pounding on the door, “Get your lazy ass out of bed, we have places to be!” his dad shouted, “We’re volunteering today and we leave in 15 minutes!”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes as he sorely slid out of bed. As if his parents actually cared about the people they were helping; they only wanted to boost their image, seem like the good Samaritans they weren't.  

Honestly, Hyunjin didn’t mind volunteering, he actually quite enjoyed working with the little kids, but it disgusted him how fake his parents always seemed at functions such as these. They pretended to care about others, care about Hyunjin, care about something other than their image, but at the end of the day they were the same rotten apples covered by a gold exterior. Whenever they returned back home, Hyunjin was scolded for everything he did wrong, told how he wasn’t conducting himself in the exactly right way, how some little part of his mannerisms was flawed. 

“Hyunjin, hurry up! We can’t be late!” his mom screeched from downstairs. 

Hyunjin groaned and dragged himself into the bathroom. He so desperately wanted to scream back at his mom that he’s be able to get ready faster if he didn’t have the shit beat out on him every night, but he kept his mouth shut, not fancying yet another beating so soon. He at least needed a twelve hour break in between sessions with his dad.

When he finally made it to the bathroom, he winced at the figure staring back at him in the mirror. He’s forgotten to ice his cheek last night and now his face was bruised a deep purple and grotesquely swollen. No amount of makeup was going to cover that mess. He didn’t even try and instead grabbed a face mask from his bedroom before heading downstairs.

“Wow,” his mom snarkily commented, “you sure got ready fast.”

Hyunjin didn’t respond, silently following her to the kitchen, not even trying to eat breakfast. He was just going to get shot down once more. He didn’t deserve to eat. He was already a waste of space, why also waste resources on him? He was a good-for-nothing, worthless son. 

If not for Changbin, Hyunjin probably would’ve killed himself years ago, it’s not like his parents would care. But, Changbin was his rock. He was there for him in the toughest of times, pointing out constellations, painting his closet, giving him much needed hugs. Changbin was the one who told him he mattered, who told him he was precious, who told him to keep on going even when the times were tough because it would eventually get better. Changbin was...amazing, just amazing.

“Why do you have that atrocious thing on your face?” Hyunjin’s dad demanded the instant he entered the car.

“Fashion,” Hyunjin muttered, slipping the mask off his face.

“Oh just put the damn thing back on.” His dad must’ve seen his face. 

The rest of the ride to the center was passed in complete silence. Hunjin didn’t mind, silence was better than the constant berating he received whenever his parents opened their mouths.

The center was loud, at least. It was the good king of loud: full of children yelling playfully and adults talking. It made Hyunjin feel at peace. This he knew how to navigate, knew how to act perfect, slip on his mask, pretend like he wasn’t dying on the inside. His parents acted similarly, but their masks hid disgust for the homeless they were helping, not the internal anguish Hyunjin was struggling with. Luckily, his task was made even easier when he was assigned to help take care of the kids, while his parents were stuck on kitchen duty. 

Those three hours were some of the fastest of Hyunjin’s life. He absolutely loved the innocence and purity of children. They didn’t understand ho to hide their emotions, how to carefully craft a mask. No, they were completely honest with their feelings, not afraid to cry over spilled milk. It was refreshing. As they played, Hyunjin didn’t even have to fake his smile. The kids’ laughs were contagious and Hyunjin found himself actually, legitimately happy. 

However, all too soon it was time for him to leave and Hyunjin was found himself thrust back into the same awful car with the same awful people, who gossiped and insulted people the whole way home. It was repulsing. As soon as the car was parked in the garage, Hyunjin was running upstairs with the excuse that he had a lot of homework--a blatant lie, he had finished it all at Changbin’s. It was too hard for him to properly focus in his war-zone of a house. 

Hyunjin went straight to his closet the minute he entered his room. It was there he laid, string up at the ceiling thinking of Changbin and how his best friend would handle this situation. Changbin would stand up to his parents, let them know that gossiping and talking behind other people's backs was unacceptable. But, Changbin ws always more straightforward than him, not as afraid to hurt other’s feelings, not scared of the consequences. Hyunjin wished he could be like that, so fearless. However, he wasn’t. Instead, he was laying on the floor of his closet, curled in a ball, clutching his still aching body, and sobbing his eyes out. He couldn’t yell at his parents, couldn’t let anyone know how he really felt. Hyunjin was too afraid of the consequences, too afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, of not seeming like the perfect boy anymore.

Eventually, Hyunjin was forced out of his slump by the sound of his phone ringing. He rolled over and stared at the too-bright screen that read ‘Chan’. With a sigh, Hyunjin lifted the phone up to his ear.

“Hey Chan! What’s up?” he put on a mask of fake excitement.

“Hey man, you still going to the party tonight?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Hyunjin had completely forgotten that he’d promised he’d go to the party tonight.

“Great, could you do me a huge favor and be the DD for tonight? You can just spend the night at my house and I’ll drive you back in the morning.”

“No problem,” Hyunjin had his license, but no car. His mom had brought him to get his license after a fight she’d had with his dad, but he technically was forbidden to drive. Something about how driving caused delinquency in teens and encouraged bad decisions or something else ridiculous. His dad probably just wanted to be as controlling and difficult as possible, punishing him for something he did a long time ago. It didn’t matter, though. Chan always gave him a ride to practice in the morning and he could easily walk to school or catch a ride with someone else.

 

An hour later, Hyunjin was dressed in appropriate clothes and had a tad bit of concealer on the massive bruise on his face, just enough to make the purple, swollen mass seem smaller and not quite as bad. He walked downstairs and headed out the door. His parents weren't home and wouldn’t be for a while; they probably wouldn’t even notice he was gone. They were so caught up in their own image that they oftentimes forgot about their son until he did something wrong. Hyunjin always told himself that it was better this way, he had more freedom, but a part of him couldn’t help but lust for the kind of supportive, involved parents Changbin or Chan had. 

It didn’t matter, though. He was going to be fine, was going to socialize and have fun at the party. He slid into the passenger seat of Chan’s car and put on his biggest smile, “How you doing?”

“Good, but what on Earth happened to your face?”

“Fell off my bike, wasn’t paying attention and rode straight into a tree. I’m such an idiot.” They both laughed. Hyunjin took a deep breath and forced his body to relax. Just like that, he easily slipped into his usual carefree self, acting like he had his life put together. 

The party was loud, crowded, full of drunk people, but that was nothing new. It was officially labeled a “swim party”, but there were plenty of people there who had never swam a full 50 meters in their life. It didn’t bother anyone, though. No one cared as long as some of the people who showed up were bring alcohol or drugs in tow. 

When Chan and Hyunjin walked in, the party was already in full swing. “You finally came!” Woojin exclaimed with dramatized arm movements, slightly tipsy.

“Of course we came.” Chan slid up next to Woojin and took a swig out of the bottle he was offered.

Hyunjin smiled and turned to venture further into the house, but was stopped by Woojin who had finally processed what he was seeing, “Wait a second, Hwang Hyunjin, what on earth happened to your face?”

“I fell off my bike, you know how clumsy I am.” Hyunjin laughed, shaking his head as if he was exasperated with himself.

“I swear, you need to be more careful. You’re always falling.”

“Honestly, that’s why I don’t drink, you know, can’t afford having my movements even more impaired.” That was a lie, Hyunjin didn’t drink because of the time his dad had come home roaring drunk, screaming up a storm, angrier than ever. That night he’d ended up with a broken arm and two cracked ribs. He remembered laying there in the dark, too tired, too broken to move, only being able to haul himself to his feet the next morning when his mom had finally come downstairs and taken him to the hospital.

Hyunjin shuddered at the memory. He never wanted to get drunk, never wanted to lose control like that, potentially harm someone. Instead, Hyunjin went to parties to socialize, to keep up his image, for entertainment. It was actually quite amusing watching a bunch of intoxicated teenagers making fools out of themselves. 

Right now, there was a group of Sophomores on the trampoline, dramatically falling over every time they tried to stand up. They were so uncoordinated they couldn't even get their feet properly underneath them. Hyunjin was finding it hard to restrain himself from laughing out loud at the scene they were making. He somehow managed to keep in his giggles and felt moderately bad for the group that would have a lot of embarrassing videos and a hell of a hangover to look forward to in the morning. 

Hyunjin left the group to their fun and continued to roam around the house, expertly weaving around groups of people, getting stopped every two steps by someone he knew. He didn’t mind, the point of going to parties was to be seen, to build up his reputation, his popularity. Normally, Hyunjin actually enjoyed going to the parties and socializing while watching his classmates mae fools out of themselves. Today, however, he just wanted to be left alone. There was nothing that Hyunjin wanted more in the world than to curl up in a warm ball and just by himself, listening to calming music.

Luckily, after two hours Chan was ready to go home, knowing that they would wake up his little brother, Jeongin, when they opened up the garage door and he didn’t want his brother to be up too late. Hyunjin thought Chan was being a little hypocrittical, but didn’t say anything because he was grateful to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so late lol, I got side tracked working on my other fic, but that is now finished, so there will hopefully bi-weekly updates from here on out.
> 
> Please leave a comment! They give me a lot of motivation and also follow my Instagram @intricate_6


	4. Chapter 4

When Hyunjin returned the next morning, his mom looked up from where she was sitting at the table, typing away on her computer. She looked surprised to see Hyunjin entering through the front door; she probably hadn’t even realized he was gone.

“Late night, much?” disgust was dripping from her voice.

“I just got back from a run.”

“Whatever, your dad’ll deal with you. We’re going to a party tonight. Don’t disappoint us.” With that, she went back to whatever work she was doing on her computer, too busy to notice Hyunjin wasn’t even wearing running clothes. 

By some miracle, Hyunjin managed to sneak past his father, magically avoided another berating. He should go out more often, socialize with his classmates, be more popular, hold up the family image. But, he shouldn’t drink, shouldn’t hang out with the “wrong crowd”, shouldn’t do anything reckless, shouldn’t be out too late, shouldn’t mar the family name. No matter what, Hyunjin could never do anything right. If he went to a party, he was yelled at for being an alcoholic, told that he was a stoner, useless, addictive, child. If he didn’t go to a party, he was a recluse, anti-social, not keeping up with the quota. Either way, Hyunjin was shamed for not doing enough, not being enough. He kept on trying, though, kept on aiming for the stars, kept getting shot down. All he wanted was to impress his parents, to do something right for once. And he was trying so hard, doing everything he possibly could, applying, participating, leading, volunteering, but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. 

Hyunjin was sitting at his desk, drafting out plans for the next event his parent were going to be hosting; according to his mom that was the only way he was ever helpful. He was just starting to detail the flower arrangements for the tables, when his dad burst into this room, the door slamming against the wall with the force that used to throw it open.

“We’re leaving at four,” he declared. It was two. 

“I’ll be ready,” Hyunjin promised.

Suddenly, a hand was at his chin, forcing him to look into his father’s burning eyes, “You look at me when I talk, you understand?”

“Yes sir.” Hyunjin forced himself to look his dad in the eye despite the fact that he was practically shaking in fear. No matter how hard he tried, Hyunjin could never quite get over the fear he held for his father; he always lived in constant terror while in his house, afraid of his dad’s next move, next beating.

“You’re disgusting, I can’t believe I fathered such a useless child.” His father gave his chin one last harsh squeeze before spinning on his heel and striding out of Hyunjin’s room. 

Once he was gone, Hyunjin let his tough exterior crumble. His slid out of his chair and curled up in a ball on the floor. Tears were streaming out of his eyes and he couldn’t breathe. He was so useless, he could never impress anyone, he was worthless, good for nothing, a scaredy cat. Hyunjin’s hands reached out for his phone and in his panic, his fingers numbly dialed Changbin’s number.

“Hello? Hyunjin?” Changbin’s voice came through the phone, but Hyunjin couldn’t bring himself to answer. “Hyunjin? Are you okay? What did that bastard do to you this time? Hyunjin, I can hear you crying, you’re starting to worry me. Hyunjin? Hyunjin, if you don’t say something I’m coming over.”

“No! Hyunjin choked out, “please, no, you can’t risk it. He’ll h-hurt you.” Hyunjin started to sob harder, thinking about Changbin laying on the floor, bleeding, broken. He wouldn’t be able to take it. He could never be the reason for Changbin’s pain.

“Hyunjin, hey, it’s okay. I’m not coming over, okay?” Changbin’s voice was calm and soothing, “now, can you go to your closet?”

“Mm-hm,” 

“Okay, so look up at the ceiling. See the stars? Look at them and remember that I’m always with you and I value you, I think you’re amazing and you deserve the world.” 

Slowly, with Changbins help, Hyunjin began to calm down. “Thank you,” he muttered into the receiver.

“No problem, that’s what friends are for,”

“Seriously, man, how am I ever going to repay you for all the times you’ve helped me?”

“Go to the police?”

“Changbin,” Hyunjin whined, “you know I can’t do that. No one believe me, and if they did that would ruin my parents’ reputation and they’d hate me forever.”

“You care too much about their feelings.”

“They’re my parents.”

“Hyunjin, we’ve been over this.” The exasperation was evident in Changbin’s voice, they’d had this argument many times, “You’re parents abuse you, neglect you. That’s not right. You need to take care of yourself.”

“I’m fine Changbin, they’re just trying to make me better. It’s my fault anyways, if I would try harder they wouldn’t have to yell at me so much.” He could hear Changbin sigh through the phone.

“Hyunjin we leave in 15 minutes!”

“Shit, I have to go man, talk to later.” Hyunjin quickly hung up on his friend and got dressed in his suit as quickly as possible and tried his best to cover up the bruises and swelling on his face with what little time he had.

He managed to slide into the car just in time, but that didn’t stop him mom from scolding him for his tie not being straight enough, makeup not blended enough, not covering enough.

Hyunjin just sat quietly in the back and nodded along to her criticism, vowing to be better in the future. Maybe then his mom would pay attention to him, go to his events; maybe his dad would stop hitting him, yelling at him. He just had to be better, try harder.

 

When they arrived at the gala, Hyunjin’s parents melted into the crowd, socializing with everyone they saw, leaving Hyunjin to wander around by himself, trying to find a familiar face.

“Hyunjin!” 

He turned around, hearing someone calling his name, eyes seltling on Woojin. Finally, someone he knew, “Hey, how are you doing?”

“Same as always, calc is kicking my butt. Are you still tutoring Wednesday mornings? I could use some help.”

“Of course, come in any time!”

“Ah, thank goodness, I understand nothing in that class.”

They settled into an easy conversation about school and the party last night, and Hyunjin began to relax. Woojin was easy to talk to, he had an easy going demeanor about him. It made everyone trust him. That’s probably why Chan called him the mom friend--Jeongin especially would sometimes jokingly refer to Woojin as mom when he needed something or the older was being particularly overbearing. 

“Hey! How are you guys doing?” Seungmin interrupted their conversation. “Do you like my shoes? I just got them today.” His shoes were shiny and some expensive brand that Hyunjin would probably recognize if he cared more about fashion.  

“Oh, cool,” Hyunjin said, pretending to be interested, “How is Algebra going? I haven't seen you at Peer Tutoring in a while.”

Seungmin stood up straighter, “It’s going great. All good. I should get going, I want to talk to the CEO of this museum before I go.” And with that Seungmin strode away, looking like he ruled the world.

“He’s kinda annoying,” Hyunjin muttered once he was gone, “he tries too hard.”

“Yeah, but I can’t blame him, his parents don’t have the best relationship with one another and I think he gets caught in the middle a lot.”

“Really? How did I not know that? I’m his neighbor.” Hyunjin was surprised, he was usually better at reading people than that.

“You’re always over at Changbin’s, when are you ever home?”

Oh. Hyunjin hadn’t realized Woojin knew how little time he spent at home. Woojin was almost freakily observant, but still, he was going to have to be more careful. Only bad things would happen if people found out  about his dad. Right now only Changbin knew, and Hyunjin wanted to keep it that way.

An announcement interrupted Hyunjin’s thoughts. They were beginning to announce how much money the museum had made that night from various donations.

“Well, that’s my cue to go, see you tomorrow!” Before he knew it, Woojin was walking away leaving Hyunjin alone in the crowd of people. It didn’t matter, though. Hyunjin could do this, he could socialize with people on his own. He delved deeper into the throng of people, smiling and greeting everyone as he passed, occasionally stopping for a longer conversation. Someone accidently ran into Hyunijin’s shoulder and he bit back a cry of pain. His dad had really done a number on him Friday.

Finally, his parents were ready to go and Hyunjin gratefully collapsed into the car, too tired to care about how his parents scolded him for not talking enough or conducting himself in the right way or something. He couldn’t wait for school tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short and so bad lol, this was a really busy week for me. Also, there may not be an update next week because I'm going to a camp and I'm not sure how much free time I'll have.
> 
> Anyways, please let me know what you think and check out my Instagram @intricate_6


	5. Chapter 5

Hyunjin woke up to the sound of his alarm piercing the dark morning air and reluctantly rolled out of bed. It was 4:30, way too early to be up, but he had practice. Chan was going to be picking him up in 10 minutes and he had no time to waste. 

Still groggy, Hyunjin stumbled into the bathroom and changed into his swimsuit, throwing sweatpants and a T-shirt on over it. He grabbed his bags that he had packed last night and made his way downstairs to grab a bite to eat before Chan came. 

Half-asleep, Hyunjin mindlessly grabbed a granola bar for breakfast, and made his way outside right as Chan pulled up to the curve.

“Late night?” the older asked when Hyunjin climbed into the passenger seat.

“Yeah, there was a gala. Woojin was there.”

Chan instantly perked up at the mention of Woojin, “Oh really? What did he have to say?” Chan was trying to play cool, but Hyunjin could tell that Chan had a major crush on Woojin.

“Well, he’s probably going to be coming in Wednesday morning for help with calc, so if you could give me a ride to school Wednesday morning, that’d be great.”

“Consider it done.”

 

Practice was uneventful, other than Hyunjin’s excuses for why his body was all bruised up. One of these days someone was going to stop believing in all of his increasingly far-fetched lies--if they hadn’t already. But it wasn’t like anyone was going to tell CPS or something, his parents were too powerful, too rich for anything like that to have the slightest hope of working. They’d probably just pay off the officers anyways. So instead, Hyunjin just made up stories that only the innocent and ignorant believed anymore. 

 

Changbin burst into the locker room 15 minutes before school started and made a beeline towards Hyunjin. “Are you okay? Oh my gosh, look at your face. Have you eaten yet today? I brought some snacks for you.”

“Changbin, calm down, I’m okay.” Hyunjin let out a small laugh at his best friend’s overprotectiveness.

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just...last night, it’s been months since it’s been that bad.”

Hyunjin wrapped his worried friend in a hug and whispered in his ear, “I don’t know what happened, he was in a bad mood this weekend, and I just couldn’t…” Hyunjin choked back a sob.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I just worry. Please call me whenever you need to.” He pulled back and sat down next to Hyunjin on the bench, who was starting to feel better with his best friend’s comfort, “Now, have you had breakfast yet? Did you eat dinner?” Changbin continued, lightening the mood.

“Yeah, I had dinner and I ate a granola bar for breakfast,” Hyunjin’s face suddenly paled as he realized what he had just said. “Shit, Changbin. I wasn’t supposed to--”

“Don’t think about that right now, just focus on school, we’ll figure this out later.” Changbin knew Hyunjin’s mom counted all of the food in the pantry and Hyunjin wasn’t allowed to have any extra. Now, Hyunjin was probably going to looking at no food for the rest of the week--not that his parents usually eat him eat much anyways. He came to school without lunch more frequently than with.

They were interrupted by the bell ringing. Hyunjin quickly jumped up and grabbed his bag, “I’ll see you in Lit!” and with that he was gone. 

Changbin slowly made his way to his first class of the day, mind still wrapped up in how he was going to help his best friend. He wished that he could just take Hyunjin home with him, have him stay with him in his house forever, safe. It hurt him so much to see his best friend constantly in pain because his parents treated him worse than dirt. 

His class started and Changbin forced himself to pay attention to the teacher who was droning on about something he was probably never going to need to know.

 

Hyunjin’s first class of the day was English, his favorite class. The teacher was amazing and Hyunjin loved learning the new language, making his brain think in a different way. It was like a puzzle and Hyunjin absolutely loved it.

He was planning to start a new club, an English Club. A place where people could come and learn the new language, get more comfortable talking in it, and learn more about the culture of various English speaking countries. His teacher, Mrs. Yoo had already agreed to sponsor his club and the first meeting was set up for that day after school. Hyunjin couldn’t wait. Changbin and Chan and Woojin had already agreed to come and the English teachers were all encouraging their students to attend.

Not only would Hyunjin enjoy leading such a club, but his parents would be happy--or at least as happy as they could get--when they found out. They were always telling Hyunjin he needed to be more involved in school, lead more clubs, so that he could get into a better college. 

Luckily before he could get too far down that rabbit hole, the bell rang and Hyunjin naturally melted into the crowd of people in the hallway.

 

Lunchtime. Usually it was everyone’s favorite, but it was Hyunjin’s worst nightmare. He always had to sit awkwardly at the table while everyone ate and he didn’t have any food of his own. Not only that, but he was expected to socialize with everyone who came to their table. Complete interactions and help people with their homework with a smile. It was exhausting. 

Today, though, Changbin and Chan were already at the table when he sat down, squeezed between the two. Woojin joined them shortly afterwards, greeting Hyunjin with a big smile. He didn’t usually sit at their table. 

“Hey guys, the people at my normal table are being assholes, so is it okay if I sit with you guys today?”

“Of course, no problem.” Chan scooted over to make room for Woojin on the bench and just like that their table was one person larger. 

Changbin didn’t seem too happy with the new addition, but then again, he hated strangers. He only tolerated Chan because they shared a passion for music and black clothes. It didn’t hurt that he had a cute little brother, Changbin was a sucker for younger kids.

Hyunjin was so deep in thought that he didn’t notice the figure sneaking up behind him. Suddenly, there were arms wrapping around his neck and he was transported to another time: 

 

_ He was choking, dying. He couldn’t breathe. He could feel his father’s breathe in his ear, “You’re such a worthless person I should just kill you now, maybe that’d teach you your place, huh?”  _

_ He was tossed to the ground like a broken doll. It was what he deserved after the stunt he pulled. His dad was right, he did deserve to be punished. He could never do anything right, was useless. _

_ Hyunjin didn’t even try to move away or protect himself from the blows that followed, it would just be easier if he died anyways. _

 

“Hyunjin, Hyunjin!” Changbin was gently patting his fingers on Hyunjin’s arm, like he normally did when things got this bad. “Oh thank goodness, you’re finally back with us.”

Then, Jeongin was in his lap, hysterical. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I should’ve known better. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay. I’m all good now,” Hyunjin soothed the freshman who clearly didn’t mean any harm. 

Changbin shot Hyunjin a worried glance, but Hyunjin ignored him. He was fine. It was just a little episode this time, nothing for Changbin to worry excessively about. 

The rest of lunch passed unconsequentially. Hyunjin ate the extra sandwich that Changbin had packed for him, and Jeongin stayed close by, still apologizing profusely until Chan told him to shut up in the way that only older brothers could.

Passing period, though, was a different story. The minute that they were alone, Changbin pulled Hyunjin off to the side. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“No, seriously.” The look Changbin had on his face meant death. 

“I’m just a little shaken up, but this time wasn’t that bad, promise.”

“If you say so…” Changbin probably would’ve pushed the issue further, but they had their next class together so he could easily keep an eye on Hyunjin for himself. He never quite fully trusted Hyunjin to tell the truth about his feelings, the boy like to hide too much. Chanbin was probably the only person who actually got to see the real Hyunjin, not the mask he put on for his own protection. The world was  cruel place, especially when your parents were like his. Changbin desperately wished he could force his best friend to live in his house with him. Tat way he’d never have to go home again, never have to face his god awful parents.But, that was never going to happen. Hyunjin had it stuck in his stubbornhead that he had a duty to his parents to stay, something about keeping up the family image. So, Changbin was forced to watch as his best friend wasted away.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

More people showed up to English Club than Hyunjin expected; however, it had already been 10 minutes and Chan wasn’t there yet. It wasn’t like his to break promises, or abandon his brother who was in the classroom with them.

Hyunjin just decided to start the meeting, he could yell at Chn for being late later. He was just starting his powerpoint when the door burst open and in rushed Chan dragging a very confused dude along behind him. Hyunjin just ignore d the pair and continued with his short speal about what the club was and what they’d be doing.

Once he finished, he announced the activity for the day. They’d be going around and introducing themselves in english with one interesting fact about themselves.

Hyunjin started, “Hi guys, my name is Hyunjin and my favorite food is pizza.”

The circle was fairly uninteresting, many people struggled with speaking in the unfamiliar language, that is, until, the boy that Chan dragged in spoke. “Hey guys, my name is Felix and I just moved here from Australia.”

That was interesting. He wondered how Chan knew the boy and how long he had been living in Korea. Was this his first day at school? If so, Hyunjin needed to greet him.

Shortly after the meeting ended, Hyunjin approached Felix. “How’d you meet Chan?”

“Oh,” he awkwardly scratched at his head, “I kind of ran into him in the hallway and he convinced me to come here the minute he heard my accent.

“Cool, how long have you been here?”

“This is actually my first day at this school. It’s so big; my old school was tiny.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin suddenly had a great idea. “How about you sit at our lunch table tomorrow? There’s plenty of room.”

“Sure! I’d love that! It was so awkward sitting by myself today.”

After that, Lee Felix became an integrated part of their group, his bubbly personality greatly lightening up the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this update is like two and a half weeks late and completely awful, but things kinda got crazy with traveling and stuff. Also, I'm like hella tired because I didn't sleep last night, so good night!
> 
> Comments are always greatly appreciated! I love reading what you guys have to say!!


	6. Chapter 6

By the time Changbin and Hyunjin walked home they had both completely forgotten about the granola bar. Instead, Hyunjin was eagerly talking about the success that was English Club. “That was so cool that Chan got that guy from Australia to join, and did you see how many people came? That’s so cool. I didn’t even know most of them! I can’t wait until next week! I already have a really fun activity planned, we’re going to do karaoke to English songs and some of the English teachers said that if we hold like study session before finals they’ll give people extra credit for attending and I just can’t wait! Today was so much fun!” 

Changbin smiled at his best friend’s enthusiasm. Seeing him happy was enough to make a smile form on his face, Hyunjin wasn’t happy near enough. The boy never did anything for his own pleasure, always trying to please his parents, trying to increase his image, his popularity, hoping that if he did then maybe one day his parents would accept him, stop yelling at him, beating him. Changbin knew no matter what Hyunjin’s efforts were in vain, but his friend clung to the semblance of hope that one day his parents would care about him, value him, cherish him. He just wanted to be loved. 

It hurt, though, watching his friend getting crushed day after day, coming to school limping with fresh bruises, the light gone from his eyes. No matter how much Changbin talked to him, he refused to get help, tell someone, or even spend the night with Changbin’s family. He said that it’d just make it worse, but Changbin wished he would just do  _ something _ , not just lay there and take it like he usually did. 

But, Changbin knew it was an uphill battle, so he just walked next to Hyunjin happy that he was happy. He made a mental note to come to every meeting, it’d be worth struggling through the unfamiliar language just to see Hyunjin smile. 

All too soon, they reached Hyunjin’s sprawling house. “I’ll walk you to the door?”

“Yeah! I still need to tell you about how I’m going to be tutoring Woojin Wednesday morning and Chan’s going to come to because he’s a sucker for that boy.”

Changbin smiled. Hyunjin never let him walk him to the door, claiming that it was too dangerous, he must really be in a good mood. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around Changbin, “See you tomorrow.” 

He started to fiddle with his key in the lock as Changbin responded, “Bye, be safe! I’ll-”

The door flew open to reveal a very angry Mr. Hwang. 

Hyunjin spun around, “Go,” he hissed at Changbin giving him a little shove. Changbin took off, only stopping when he was around the corner and out of sight. His heart was hammering in his chest. He knew that staying would’ve only made everything worse, but he couldn’t help but regret abandoning his friend to face the monster on his own. What kind of person was he?

The rest of the walk home Changbin drug his feet, slowly shuffling, sulking.

When he reached his house he saw Hajoon and Chinhae playing outside with the neighbor’s kids. The Lee’s. He felt bad for those kids, their mother had died and their father was an alcoholic, mean on a good day. The oldest brother worked and Minho was a senior that went to their school. In fact Minho was sitting on the sidewalk outside of his house, working on his homework while watching the kids. 

“Hard day?” he hissed sarcastically at Changbin. He was under the impression that he had it the worst out of everyone and was perpetually bitter.

“Yeah, it was actually, thanks for noticing.”

“Whatever, can you take over?” he gestured towards the kids, “I actually have important stuff to do that’s not hanging out with my rich friends.

Changbin clenched his fists, but took a deep breath to calm down, not in front of the kids. Instead, he just gave Minho a short nod and watched as he slunk off into his house. Man, how he wanted to scream at him, tell him that Hyunjin didn’t have it all, that he didn’t deserve Minho’s contempt, but he kept it in, choosing instead to sit down and play with the kids. 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

His dad grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and dragged him inside, slamming the door shut behind them. At least Changbin was safe. 

Hyunjin was roughly thrown onto the couch and he quickly righted himself, setting his backpack down. His mom was sitting in one of the chairs holding a box of granola bars.

“Hyunjin, would you like to tell us why there were 6 bars in this last night and 5 this morning?” her tone of voice was deceivingly calm.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, looking as the floor, “I was hungry and I wasn’t thinking this morning. I take full responsibility for my actions and I hope that you will forgive me for this infringement upon the rules.” He had a lot of practice in making apologies and over time he had learned, the fancier his wording, the less of a punishment he received. 

“I’m sure you're sorry, you always say you’re sorry, but you just keep making mistakes. You’re so stupid you can’t even follow simple instructions.” His mom continued to spit awful words at him, but he tuned her out, pretending that he was in outer space. He was high in the sky, exploring the stars, discovering new planets. 

A hand was suddenly on his arm, pinching, twisting his skin painfully. “You’re not listening to your mom.” His dad was right in his face, spitting as he talked. Then he was being dragged by his arm to the cupboard and being thrown inside. He heard the lock click and he was left there, in the darkness. 

The space was small, he could only lay down if he curled up into a ball and he couldn’t even stand up all the way. Tears started to stream down his face as his predicament dawned on him. He was stuck here. It was pitch black. He probably wasn’t going to be let out until morning. He couldn’t do his homework.

The terror started to set in. He remembered being locked in here when he was younger, crying, sobbing. Sometimes he’d wet his pants and he had to sit in it for hours. Once he puked. Just thinking about it made Hyunjin’s hand start to shake. He could no longer keep his sobs quiet. They ripped out of his mouth, awful, broken sounds. He was gasping for breath in between his sobs, hiccuping from the force of them. He put a hand over his mouth, trying in vain to muffle to sound.

A loud knock sounded, “Shut the hell up and stop being such a crybaby.”

Hyunjin tried, he really did, but he was just so scared, so broken. The tortured sounds continued to rip out of his throat, breaking through the barrier of his hand. He as choking, shaking, hiccuping, sobbing, and he just couldn't do it. He couldn’t d any of it. He was going to die here, alone. Maybe someday someone would find his body. His parents would call it a mistake, a tragedy, maybe even a suicide.

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this. He was so scared. He was all alone. It was dark. It was small. The walls were closing in on him. 

Hyunjin started to hyperventilate. His breaths were coming too quick, but he couldn’t calm them, couldn’t slow them down. This was it, he was dying.

Eventually, Hunjin passed into an unsteady sleep, body too exhausted to keep up the constant state of anxiety he was in. 

 

Hyunjin tumbled out of the cramped space, landing hard on his shoulder. “Hurry up, you have practice. Chan is already here.”

He quickly nodded understanding to his dad’s words and stood up and started to run to his room to grab his stuff, his cramped legs giving out on him and he fell hard on his knees. But, there was no time to focus on his aching body, and Hyunjin was up in seconds, sprinting off, ignoring his dad’s patronizing call that followed him.

Five minutes later he was climbing into Chan’s car. “Sorry, I overslept.”

“Wow, the great Hyunjin oversleeping? Who would’ve thought? But, seriously dude, it’s not a problem. We were going to be early anyway.”

Hyunjin just nodded in response, looking out the window at the small amount of light that was beginning to grace the sky. He couldn’t wait until the whole sky was lit up and he could forget the hell that was that cupboard.  

They ended up getting to practice right on time and soon Hyunjin found himself diving into the pool, relishing the feeling of the cool water rushing over his sore muscles. He surfaced with a few powerful kicks and started to begin doing smooth strokes. As his left arm came up and around, however, a twinge of pain shot through his shoulder. The rest of his stroke finished sloppily. The next time around his stroke was once again cut short by the pain in his shoulder. 

After only 50 meters, Hyunjin stopped and hung onto the wall, whole body aching. He felt tears start to well up in his eyes. He was so frustrated, so done with how much his body hurt how he could hardly move as all of his muscles started to cramp up. He just wanted to be able to swim, just wanted to be able to function, to move without pain rushing through his body. He just wanted normal, loving parents.

Soon, Hyunjin found his goggles flooded with tears as he carefully crawled out of the pool and laid on the cool deck. His coach came running over.

“Hyunjin, are you okay? What hurts?”

“I-” his voice broke as a sob tore its way out of his throat. “I just-”

“Hey, why don’t you take a quick break and we can talk about this when you're ready?”

Hyunjin nodded and took off his goggles, releasing a flood of tears. Chan was then by his side, wrapping an arm around him, helping him to the bench. He didn’t say anything, just sat quietly by Hyunjin as he sobbed into his hands.

It was all just so much, the cupboard, the physical abuse, his body’s soreness. Hyunjin just couldn’t deal with it all. He was breaking down like the failure that he was.

Eventually, though, his sobs slowed and he thanked Chan for being there for him.

“Not a problem man. You need to take care of yourself more, promise?”

“Yeah,”

Hyunjin turned to face his coach, “I’m really sorry about that, it won’t happen-”

His coach stopped him, “Don’t apologize for your feelings. I know you weren't trying to get out of practice, you’re not that kind of kid. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about whatever, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks,” Hyunjin nodded, looking at the ground.

“So, what’s going on?”

“Oh, I just like slept weird last night and I’m really sore and I guess I’m just overwhelmed with school and stuff.”

His coach gave him an unbelieving look, but didn’t say anything and Hyunjin spent the rest of practice sitting in the locker room finishing up his homework that he didn’t have the time to do the night before. 

\---------------------------------------------------------

Chan must’ve texted Changbin because the minute Hyunjin set foot in the building, Changbin was pulling him aside and wrapping him in a hug. 

“What happened?” he whispered into his ear.

“Cupboard,” Hyunjin responded, “I’ll tell you more later.” He didn’t want to start crying again in the middle of the hallway.

Changbin nodded his understanding, then the bell was ringing and Hyunjin was making his way to his first class of the day a fake smile plastered on his face.

The rest of the day passed as if time was molasses. School was even more painful than usual; it was so difficult for Hyunjin to put on his normal smiling face. Every single part of him just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, but he couldn’t. He had to go through the motions of the day pretending as if he wasn’t slowly dying on the inside. Lunch was his only reprise. He curled up next to Changbin on the seat and ate parts of his, Woojin’s, and Chan’s lunch. Then, it was back into the awful whirlwind that was classes. He couldn’t force his brain to focus on what the teachers were saying, on the worksheets in front of him. The only thing that kept him going was the promise of being able to go over to Changbin’s after school and just lay on his couch and eat all the food that he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was writing this in English instead of my essay and then started crying in the middle of class, so please support this chapter because now my English teacher is probably worried about me lol
> 
> Also, the rest of Stray Kids will be in he next chapter (finally)!


	7. Chapter 7

After school on their walk to Changbin’s, Hyunjin buried his head in his best friend’s shoulder, needing the comforting touch to get him through the rest of the day. Changbin, in response, threaded his fingers through Hyunjin’s, “When we get home, you can just sleep in my bed and I’ll make you whatever food you want, and we’ll just hang out.”

Hyunjin didn’t respond, just nodded into Changbin’s shoulder.

Changbin felt his heart break a little at the action; school had really taken a lot out of is best friend today. Hyunjin was always  peppy in class, always paying attention, answering questions, helping people. He was pretty sure it was impossible for someone to hate Hyunjin, he was the nicest person known to man. Even at lunch, Hyunjin was still all smiles and laughs even though he was curled up next to Changbin, holding on to him like a lifeline. Chan and Woojin just looked at him worryingly, but didn’t say anything, just opting to slide him some of their lunches.

Now, walking home, Hyunjin was finally allowing himself to feel. Tears were silently streaming down his face as they walked. Changbin just pulled him closer and rubbed comforting circles into his back.

“We’re talking when we get home.”

Hyunjin shrugged as if to say that it didn’t matter; he never wanted to share his burdens with others, let others know his weakness.

When they reached Changbin’s house, Minho was sitting on the steps leading up to his house. “Wow,” he sneered as Hyunjin and Changbin walked by, “Pretty boy feeling sad? Is being rich just so hard?”

“Don’t you dare,” Changbin hissed, anger welling up inside of him. How dare this boy insult Hyunjin when he knew nothing about him? How could his heart be so closed off, so mean to not see that the boy was clearly upset?

Changbin started to stalk over to Minho, but was stopped by a soft hand on his shoulder. He looked back to see Hyunjin gently shaking his head. He sighed and turned back to his front door.

“Oh, now your boyfriend controls you, huh? You can’t even think for yourself.”

“Fuck off,” Changbin hissed as he headed into his house.

“It’s okay,” Hyunjin mutterd once they were safely inside, “You don’t have to defend me from other people. Not everyone is going to be nice. Plus, his parents are abusive, he’s bitter.”

Changbin looked at Hyunjin in shock, “His parents are abusive? How’d you know?”

“He always duck his head when his dad comes home, flinches slightly whenever someone brings their hand up near him, like for a high-five. A couple years ago he had a broken arm and a piss poor excuse for it.”

All Changbin could do was stare, he was always shocked by how perceptive Hyunjin was. He somehow could stare deep into the souls of others and see them,  _ really  _ see them. 

But, before he could question Hyunjin more, his friend was laying down on the couch, eyes drifting closed. He probably had barely slept in that cupboard; he never could. So, Changbin let him sleep as he started to prepare dinner for the two of them.

Soon, the kids were getting home in all of their excitable joy, and Hyunjin was getting up to play with them. Changbin stopped him in his tracks, with a glare, “Hajoon and Chinhae, how about you take these apple slices and go play outside? Or if you want you could go to your room and play?”

The two skipped outside, chattering happily. The option that Changbin knew the two would pick. 

Once they were safely outside, Changbin turned to look at Hyujin, “We need to talk.”

He brought out the food he had finished making to the table, sat down and gestured for Hyunjin to start his story. 

“I forgot that I had eaten the granola bar in the morning and when I got home they were pissed and locked me in the cupboard all night. At swim my shoulder hurt and it just made me so frustrated and-” tears started to well up out of his eyes.

Changbin wrapped him in a hug, “It’s okay you’re out now.” 

Hyunjin just nodded shakily and slowly started to eat his food--the only real meal he had gotten that day. When he finished, he fell asleep curled up on the couch with Changbin. 

 

Hyunjin headed home late that night, but his parents didn’t seem to care, not even looking at him when he walked through the door. They were always so unpredictable, would they care? Would they not? One would never know.

The next morning, Chan picked him up to go to peer tutoring--they didn’t have practice on Wednesday, instead expected to do some sort of cross training on their own. 

As they pulled up to school, Chan spotted Woojin walking in and practically dragged Hyunjin to catch up with the older. Jeongin trailed behind them, upset at having to wake up so early simply so his brother could see his crush.

When the group entered the room, there were several tutors already there, most of them working on their own homework, headphones plugged in as they waited for a student that needed help.

Chan, Woojin, and Hyunjin all sat at a table together, and began to help Woojin tackle his calc homework. In reality Chan was probably learning as much as Woojin, but wouldn’t miss this opportunity for the world. 

Meanwhile, Jeongin slouched down in a seat, only for a smile to light up his face when he saw one of his friends who then proceeded to “help” him in biology. The session consisted of more playing around than tutoring, but no one really cared.

A few minutes later, Felix walked through the door, “Could someone help me with my Sophomore Literature class?” he asked in accented Korean.

Hyunjin wanted to help, but he was the only one who could tutor Calc. Chan beside him looked conflicted, looking from Woojin to Felix, Woojin to Felix. Luckily, before one of them had to make a decision, a boy in the back of the classroom spoke up. Hyunjin recognized him as Jisung, one of the sophomores. He didn’t know him too well, but he seemed nice enough. 

“I can help you. I’m decently good at English and understand what we’re doing in class well enough.”

Felix gave the boy a grateful smile and headed to where he was seated, giving Hyunjin and Chan a little wave on his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, this chapter is late, short, and complete trash. Please forgive me.


	8. Chapter 8

Jisung and Felix became quick friends, laughing and smiling the whole tutoring session, so it was no surprise when Jisung joined them at their table for lunch. Of course Chan and Woojin were too busy awkwardly staring into each other’s eyes and making bumbling small talk to acknowledge the new presence, but everyone else at the table certainly noticed Jisung with his loud voice and infectious smile. 

“So Jisung, where do you usually sit? I don’t think I’ve seen you at lunch before.”

Jisung’s face fell at Changbin’s comment, “Oh, well I usually just sit in the library or somewhere. I don’t really have any close friends.”

“What?” Hyunjin was shocked, “But you’re so peppy and happy. How can anyone not like you?”

“Oh...um...well,” Jisung’s rubbed his neck and looked off to the side, as if he was embarrassed of the answer.

“He has two dads,” Jeongin suddenly blurted out.

“Jeongin,” Chan admonished, coming out of his Woojin-induced daze.

“It’s okay,” Jisung muttered, “I mean he’s right. That’s why no one likes me. They think the gay can rub off or something. So, yeah, I understand if you don’t want to be my friends anymore”

“That’s ridiculous,” Woojin scoffed, “I’m gay too so I don’t care what everyone says and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.”

“Yeah I’m gay as well and I bet your dads are both amazing,” Chan said, realizing his mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth, his face turning scarlet.

“Good job Jisung,” Hyunjin said with a smile, patting the younger on the back, “You made Chan mad enough that he finally came out.”

“Oh,” a smile lit up Jisung’s face and just like that he was back to his normal, bubbly self. “Do you guys want to come over to my house after school? My dads would be so happy if I brought friends over.”

“Yes!” Felix and Jeongin exclaimed.

“Guess that means we’re all in,” Hyunjin said with a smile, pulling Jisung into a side hug. In this short amount of time everyone had fallen in love with the energetic boy and he had seamlessly made the transition into their group. It made Hyunjin’s heart swell with love for both Jisung and the rest of his friends. He loved how accepting and open everyone was. In just a couple of days they had already added two more people to their friend group. It was amazing. 

The bell rang signifying the end of lunch and Hyunjin slung his arm around Changbin as they walked together to their next class. 

  
  


After school, everyone met up in the courtyard before all pilling into Chan’s car, grateful that he had a minivan.

Needless to say it was a very loud ride, full of loud singing and Jisung desperately trying to scream directions over the noise. By some miracle, Chan managed to get them to the right house--a true testament to his driving ability. Hyunjin definitely would not have been able to do the same.

Once parked, Jisung bounded up to the front door and began the process of fumbling with his key. The poor boy was so excited that he couldn’t even figure out how to fit his key in the lock, let alone twist it in the right direction. Felix and Jeongin who had rushed up with him were no help either, all of them acting like complete idiots at the front door, dropping the key and overall just causing a mess.

Finally, Woojin walked over, grabbed the key from Jeongin’s grasp, and expertly opened the door with a sigh of disappointment.

However, Jisung was not deterred by his small failure, and bolted through the door open door screaming, “Dad, Papa, I’m home! And I brought friends!”

“Friends?” a man screeched, sliding across the tile in his socks, almost slipping. “Jisung you should’ve told me!”

Hyunjin had just entered the house, but quickly found himself retreating at Jisung’s dad’s tone of voice. Then, the man reached his arm out towards Jisung and Hyunjin was flinching away, closing his eyes, waiting for the sound of flesh hitting flesh, but it never came. Instead, Jisung was pulled into a big hug and his dad exclaimed, “I wish you told me we were going to have company, I would’ve made brownies!”

Oh, it was a gesture of love, not harm. 

Changbin’s hand slid into Hyunjin’s, a comforting presence, and Hyunjin was led deeper into the cozy home. Jisung’s house was a decent size, and the walls were littered with pictures and paintings, the furniture large and comfortable looking. Everything about it just screamed home. It was nice, very different from Hyunjin’s large white, empty house. 

 

Eventually, they all filed into the kitchen and Jisung’s other dad joined them, dressed in a suit with his hair slicked back. Jisung introduced him as Dad and his other dad as Papa. The love the two husbands had for both each other and their son was enough to make Hyunjin’s heart melt. He wished his family was this close, this accepting, this loving. They were always hugging one another and just looking at each other with loving eyes--something Hyunjin’s parents never did. 

The entire time they were there, Jisung’s dads smiled and laughed, gave them food, and easily put up with all of their antics. It was heartwarming. 

The seven of them played board games together, did their homework, and just talked. Well, the talking for the underclassmen was more like play-wrestling on the floor, but it was great just to hear everyone laughing and having a good time. 

All too soon, it was time for them to head back to their houses. After saying goodbye, everyone piled into Chan’s car as he insisted that he was going to drive everyone home, despite Felix’s vocal protests that he could just take the bus. The only thing that managed to get him to stop complaining was Changbin: “Hey Felix, Chan is more stubborn than a mule, he’s not going to cave. Plus, believe me, no one here will judge you for where you live. Sure, some of us come from money, but I for one sure don’t.”

“Okay,” Felix muttered, “it’s just that I live in an apartment with my brother because our parents are away. They’re scientists and there was this opportunity to conduct a study in Madagascar, so they sent me to Korea to stay with my brother and he’s been faking my dad’s signature for everything.”

“Aw,” Hyunjin pulled Felix into a hug, “Thanks for sharing, and don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone about your situation with your brother.”

“Yeah, and if you guys ever need anything just text me. Believe me, it’s no problem,” Woojin said in his amazingly warm tone with a grand smile. 

It instantly made Felix’s lips turn up at the corners, “I’ll be sure to do that.”

 

Hyunjin lived the closest to Chan, so he was dropped off last.

“See you in like 11 hours for practice,” Hyunjin called out as he exited Chan’s car, his tone bright and teasing.

“Ugh, don't remind me,” Chan groaned putting his head on the steering wheel, “I swear, practice that early has to be illegal.”

A bright laughed bubbled out of Hyunjin’s lips and he waved goodbye to Chan as he headed up towards his front door.

Halfway to the entrance of his house, however, Hyunjin heard the soft sobs of someone crying. He looked around, eyes scanning his front yard and the neighbor’s before his gaze fell upon Seungmin, sitting on the step leading up to his house, head buried in his hands. 

“You good?” Hyunjin asked approaching the younger boy. 

Seungmin looked up, eyes rimmed with red and spoke, his voice hoarse, “Why do you care?”

Hyunjin sat down next to him. “Because you’re my neighbor and you’re sad, there has to be a reason and perhaps I can help.”

Seungmin scoffed, “I doubt it.”

“Try me.”

“Fine. My parents are in there screaming at each other again because they can’t even stand the sight of the other, but could never get a divorce because that would ruin their image. You know? So tensions are high in there and I know that if I go in, they’ll yell at me, but I don’t have any friends whose houses’ I can hang out at, so I’m stuck sitting here all alone.”

“You’re not alone anymore,” Hyunjin wrapped his arm around the younger, “You have me now. In fact, you can text me anytime if you need someone to hang out with. I’ll be your friend.”

“Thanks,” Seungmin muttered, leaning into Hyunjin’s touch.

They stayed like that for a while, nly parting when Seungmin’s mom called for him, telling him to come inside and eat dinner.

With a small wave, Seungmin was entering his house and Hyunjin was alone, heading into his own desolate house where he would find no dinner waiting for him, his parents out somewhere, a note telling him he better not touch any of the food. It was going to be a long night.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for disappearing for like 2 months lol. Stuff with school wan't going the best, but now hopefully updates will be a little more frequent with school finally being out :-)
> 
> As always, comments are greatly appreciated!!


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning was pretty uneventful: practice then school. Lunch was when things started to pick up. The drama started when Hyunjin waved Seungmin over to sit at their table.

“What are you doing? I don’t want to sit with Seungmin,” Jeongin whined.

Chan shot his younger brother a disapproving glance which quickly shut him up.

“Seungmin needs friends,” Woojin stated, understanding Hyunjin’s intentions.

Changbin shot Hyunjin a glance, but didn’t say anything, his face perfectly portraying his doubt. Seungmin was the type to flaunt his wealth--the type to make fun of those who weren’t as well off. 

However, no one else had time to voice their complaints because Seungmin was soon sitting down, sliding into the empty seat between Hyunjin and Woojin. “I’m so glad you guys let me sit here today, my normal table was full because Mr. Jung decided to keep us long. Ugh, he’s so annoying. So, what did everyone bring for lunch? I have a porchetta sandwich and--wait. Hyunjin, why don’t you have a lunch?”

“Oh, I was in a rush this morning and forgot it at home. Silly me.”

“Forgot it, huh?” Changbin whispered in Hyunjin’s ear, low enough that Seungmin couldn’t hear.

Hyunjin just batted Changbin on the arm in response.

Seungmin, who was oblivious to their conversation, just barrelled on, “Oh, I’ve done that before. Here, have half of my sandwich and some fruit. I have plenty.”

Before he knew it, a napkin set in front of Hyunjin was being piled full of food from everyone’s lunches. “Oh, uh, thank you guys, but you really don’t have too--”

“Shut up Hwang and take the food.” Chan said setting a granola bar on top of the pile.

“Oh, I, uh,” 

Hyunjin was quickly shut up by Changbin shoving a strawberry in his mouth. Suddenly, Hyunjin remembered how hungry he was and the next ten minutes was consumed with Hyunjin shoving food into his face as fast as possible.

When he finally came up for air, Woojin had that worried-mother look on his face and Changbin looked about ready to kill. Hyunjin wasn’t sure if it was him or his parents who were the targets.

At least all of the younger kids and Chan were busy talking to Felix in English. Seungmin was surprisingly good at the language and Jeongin spectacularly horrible, despite the fact that Chan and their parents were fluent, having been born in Australia. However, they had moved right before Jeongin was born and apparently never taught the younger the language.

Hyunjin smiled to himself, happy that everyone was getting along so well, before jumping into the conversation--he wasn’t president of the English Club for nothing.

\-----------------------------------------------

 

“Hyunjin, could you please demonstrate this test problem on the board for us since you’re the only one who got it right?”

“Of course,” Hyunjin slid out of seat and strolled up to the board,internally cursing his Calc teacher for announcing that fact to the class. The stares of jealousy were only going to increase after this. But then again, it did only serve to further his carefully crafted image--the only thing that kept his parents somewhat satisfied with him and kept his dad from going full on berserk. There were many times his mom had stopped his dad from injuring Hyunjin too bad with a firm, “He’s too popular. People would notice.” So Hyunjin did everything he could to make sure that he was in the limelight and his parents knew it. It was the only way he could keep himself safe.                                         

After explaining the problem, Hyunjin returned to his desk and the paper atop of it with the red 100 brightly displayed. He had meant to turn the test over before going to the board, but had clearly forgotten.

“You got a 100?” the person sitting next to him exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Hyunjin muttered, flipping his test over to hide his score. It’s not like it mattered anyway because within a couple of seconds the whole class somehow knew that he aced  the test and questions were soon swirling around him.

“What’d you get for number three?”

“How do you do number 5?”

“Wait, I’m still confused.”

“What did I do wrong?”

Luckily Hyunjin was saved the pain of having to sort out all of the questions thrown at him by the math teacher clapping her hands and calling the class to attention. “I know you guys still have questions, but we must move onto the lesson now. You can always ask me after class or Hyunjin when he peer tutors.”

The voices began to dwindle and Hyunjin went back to starting at the board like he was paying attention and slipped Woojin funny notes and phrases when the teacher wasn’t looking. Having the older in his calc class was a blessing. Woojin sat right in front of him and was always willing to distract Hyunjin from his thoughts. He was always particularly nervous in calc because it was the last class of the day and that much closer to the time Hyunjin had to go home. However, Woojin always seemed to know how to cheer him up.

‘Did you know that there is one of the best people in the world in this room?’

‘?????’

‘You, you are’

Hyunjin smiled to himself and rolled his eyes at Woojin’s antics as he wrote back his response. ‘Whatever you say…’

The note get tossed back after a few minutes of Woojin furiously scribbling. ‘You are literally so nice and somehow manage to understand everyone and give every single person a chance, no matter who they are. Like the whole thing with Seungmin? A literal king’

‘Sure’

Woojin didn’t respond, just shook his head and started to take notes. Unfortunately, Woojin’s effort was a little too late as a few minutes later the sound of the dismissal bell ringing pierced the air. Students scrambled to their feet, stuffing notebooks into their bags.

Hyunjin walked out of the door with Woojin, bidding the older goodbye in the courtyard where he always waited for Changbin who always took longer than the wait for Christmas to get out of the building.

Finally, his best friend was spotted and they casually strolled together, heading towards Changbin’s house, exchanging stories about their day on the way over. 

The duo was almost at their final destination when their proceedings were halted by Changbin’s neighbor, Minho. “Oh look, little miss preppy decided to join you today. Isn’t it more comfortable in your mansion with all your servants? Or do you take a perverse joy in strolling around the slums?”

Hyunjin did his best to ignore Minho until the older was standing in his face. “Am I making you uncomfortable? Does the truth hurt?” Minho the quickly lifted up his hand and Hyunjin flinched back so hard that he stumbled into Changbin.

As it turned out, Minho was only trying to fix his hair, but the damage was already done. “Oh, did you think I was going to hit you? Did that scare you pretty boy? Are you afraid of a little pain? Of bruising that precious face?” 

Minho threw a fake punch at Hyunjin’s face, the action causing the other’s legs to give out in fear. Hyunjin just couldn't stay standing anymore, he was too scared. He couldn’t go back to his dad all beat up, that was basically just an announcement to the world how weak he was, an invitation for his dad to beat him up even more.

“You fool. What even made you think that was okay?” Changbin hissed before dropping to Hyunjin’s side. “Hey buddy, it’s me, Changbin. Do you think you could take some deep breaths for me? Good job, buddy. You got this.”

“What even is this?” Minho sneered, glaring at Hyunjin’s crumpled form.

“A panic attack you dingus. Maybe Hyunjin doesn’t have it as perfect as you think; maybe you’re more similar than you think. Maybe his dad beats him. Maybe his parents starve him. Maybe, just maybe, there’s more to people than what first appears.” And with that, Changbin helped Hyunjin inside his house, leaving a stunned Minho behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof I finally updated lol. Hopefully my mind can get back on track and with schools starting, my updates can become more regular lol


	10. Chapter 10

“You don’t have to do that, you know? Defend me? Especially when Minho was right. I am privileged; I live in a big house, have nice clothes, don’t have to stress about paying the bills. Someone like me doesn’t deserve to be as unhappy as me when they have all that. All that privilege and I can’t even appreciate it.” 

“Don’t even say that, Hyunjin,” Changbin admonished, “privilege doesn't matter when your parents are abusive, hitting you, starving you. You’re scared to go to your house, spending every second possible at my house or school, avoiding the one place that should be your home. And believe me, you’re definitely not stuck up. I wouldn’t be friends with you if you were.”

Hyunjin wrapped Changbin in a giant hug, tears forming in his eyes, he didn’t deserve a friend as good as he was.

Once they broke away, Changbin rubbed his neck and awkwardly looked down, “I’m really sorry about telling Minho everything. I know that you really don’t want that getting out and I...well, I just snapped. I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin let out a small smile and wrapped his arms around the smaller. “Don’t worry, Minho’s dad abuses him, remember? He won’t tell a soul; he understands.”

Changbin rolled his eyes, settling on the bed next to Hyunjin. “Your powers of observation are really something else.”

A small peal of laughter broke through Hyunjin’s lips, “I’m just not blind like someone else.” He elbowed Changbin in the side, almost causing him to fall off the bed, prompting a full out war between the two.

Their play fighting was broken off by the twins bursting into the room, “Mom says it’s time for dinner,” Hajoon announced while Chinhae launched himself into Hyunjin’s arms, giggling the whole time.

Hyunjin spun Chinhae around and then scooped up Hajoon as well, sprinting to the kitchen, both kids shrieking wildly in his arms.

Changbin trailed behind Hyunjin, admiring how strong he was. All that swimming really paid off. Despite the fact that Hyunjin never got enough to eat, the muscles in his arms in shoulders were well developed and visible as swung the twins around.

Changbin’s thoughts were cut off by his mom’s soft laughter. “Sit down you wild munchkins. You can’t eat while hanging onto Hyunjin.”

The twins groaned, but scrambled into their seats and eagerly dug into the food that was set before them.”

“Thank you so much for dinner Mrs. Seo. It’s amazing.”

Changbin rolled his eyes as he sat down next to Hyunjin, “You haven’t even taken a bite yet goofball.”

Hyunjin dramatically shoved a giant bite of food into his mouth while keeping eye contact with Changbin. “It’s amazing,” he said around all of the food in his mouth.

“That’s disgusting, close your mouth.”

Hyunjin obeyed and quickly swallowed.

Changbin’s mom rolled her eyes at their antics. “I’ll send some home with you, Hyunjin.”

“Oh, that’d be great Mrs. Seo, you’re the best.”

“Kiss up,” Changbin muttered, earning a swat from Hyunjin. 

“So, you two are going to a party tonight?” Mrs. Seo asked.

“Yeah, Hyunjin somehow convinced me to go with him. It’s at this guy named Chan’s house and it starts at 8.” Changbin answered for Hyunjin who currently had his cheeks full of food.

“Ah yes, Chan. I had his brother many years ago in my class, nice family.”

Mrs. Seo looked like she was going to say something else, but was interrupted by Chinhae. “When is Daddy coming home?”

“Yeah, we haven’t seen him in forever.” Hajoon chimed in. 

A sad look crossed over Mrs. Seo’s face, “He should be back in a couple days.”

Mr. Seo was a truck driver and had to do two cross country trips back to back in order to help make ends meet. He hadn’t been home in over two weeks. 

Changbin suddenly stood up and Hyunjin looked up at him quizzingly, cheeks full of food. “I think we should play a game,” he announced clapping his hands, “let’s all act out different animals and we guess what you are.” 

“Oo, I’ll go first!” Hajoon jumped up and immediately started swinging her hand around like an elephant’s trunk.

Changbin’s mom sent him an appreciative smile as Chinhae guessed elephant on the first try and started to flap his arms wildly.

The game continued until everyone was done eating and Changbin and Hyunjin cleaned up the dishes while Mrs. Seo got the twins redy for bed. 

Elbow deep in suds, Hyunjin turned to Changbin, “It’s hard on her, huh? Him being away for so long.”

“Yeah,” Changbin sighed, drying off a pot, “he helps her so much with the kids and cleaning up and stuff. She gets so fatigued when its just her by herself. But he has to go away  you know? We wouldn’t be able to pay for anything otherwise.”

“Yeah, I wish I could be more help.”

“Are you kidding man?” Changbin stopped drying to look at Hyunjin incredulously. “You already help out so much, entertaining Hajoon and Chinhae, cleaning up. There’s literally nothing else you could do.”

“Yeah, but still…”

“I swear to god Hwang Hyunjin your heart is too big for your own good.”

Hyunjin flicked bubbles at Changbin, hitting him in the face, “At least that’s my only flaw,” he said with a laugh.

Changbin slowly wiped the suds off his face, glaring at Hyunjin, “You’re going to regret that later.”

“Sure, whatever you say.”

 

Half an hour later, Hyunjin and Changbin were waving goodbye to Mrs. Seo, headed over to Chan’s house.

“I can’t believe that Chan is having a party at his house when Jeongin is around.” Changbin said.

“Oh, he’s at Jisung’s house. You really think Chan would let Jeongin anywhere near alcohol?”

Changbin rolled his eyes even though Hyunjin couldn’t see his face in the dark--most of the streetlights were burnt out in his neighborhood and the city didn’t care enough to actually get them fixed. 

A little while later, when the roads had transformed into smoothly paved and the streets were well lit, Hyunjin turned to face Changbin, their walk having mostly been in the kind of comfortable silence that only best friends could attain. “Thank you so much for coming. It means a lot.”

“Oh come on man, you really think I would leave my best friend all alone?” his face suddenly softened, “But seriously bro why do you do this to yourself? You hate drunk people.”

Hyunjin’s face fell, “It would look weird if I didn’t go. I have to keep up appearances.” 

“Yet you hang out with the moody boy from the wrong side of town.” Changbin mused to himself. Then he turned to look Hyunjin in the eye, “But seriously dude, I’m here for you. I will be your bodyguard from all drunk people, especially girls.”

A smile turned up the corners of Hyunjin’s mouth, “Thanks dude,”

“Of course,” Changbin instantly replied, slipping his hand into Hyunjin’s, “I’m always here for you.” 

If only that promise could’ve held true.

 

When they reached Chan’s house, the party was already full swing, music easily heard from the street.

“Okay, so when the cops get called, we’re going to jump that fence right there and book it.” 

“As always,” Hyunjin responded.

And with that, they headed in.

 

Honestly, the party wasn’t that bad at first. Sure, it was loud, but Hyunjin and Changbin easily found Chan and Woojin and camped out with them in the kitchen, where Chan was keeping his eyes on the drinks, trying his best to prevent the overly drunk from consuming a shot too many. He and Woojin both had a beer in hand, occasionally taking sips. Hyunjin and Changbin, however, each had a red solo cup filled with actual fruit punch--not that Hyunjin actually drank any, too afraid that someone could’ve slipped some alcohol into it. 

However, things quickly went downhill from there.

Chan had to head out of their little corner of safety to shoo a couple out of one on the bedrooms, and Woojin followed him as backup, leaving Hyunjin and Changbin alone. Without their two anchors, the duo slowly drifted into the heart of the party, called in by the various people that Hyunjin knew and wanted to talk to him. 

At this point, people were several drinks in and unpredictable. Changin watched as a random girl came up to Hyunjin and started talking to him, hand resting on his arm, body too close for comfort. At the worried look Hyunjin shot him, Changbin knew that it was his time to shine.

He swept in, grabbing the girl by the arm, trying to seem as drunk as possible, “Jisoo! How are you-hiccup- doing? I haven’t-hiccup- seen you in so long!”

“Ew, my name isn’t even Jisoo.” The girl turned and stumbled away in disgust.

With that taken care of, Changbin turned around to send a triumphant smile to Hyunjin. Or at least where Hyunjin used to be.  _ Shit _ . Changbin quickly started weaving through the crowd of drunks, wishing that he was tall enough to see over the crowd.  _ God dammit _ . Hyunjin could be anywhere. 

Changbin managed to make his way back into the kitchen where Woojin and Chan were in deep conversation, but there was no sign of Hyunjin. 

“Hey guys, I hate to break up your moment, but have either of you seen Hyunjin?”

“No, last I saw he was with you,”

Well that was unfortunate. Changbin thanked them before heading outside were a competitive game of beer pong was commencing. Dodging flying balls, Changbin walked the perimeter, scanning groups of people, still not spotting Hyunjin.

Where on earth was he? Changbin racked his brain trying to figure out where he hadn’t checked yet. The bathrooms. He hadn’t looked in the bathrooms. If Hyunjin was overwhelmed and scared he’d be in the upstairs bathroom where people were unlikely to find him. 

With a new destination in mind, Changbin took off, climbing the stairs two at a time. “Hyunjin?” he knocked on the bathroom door, two fast, two slow. There was a shuffling sound on the other side and then the door opened to reveal Hyunjin’s tear streaked face. 

“Oh no, buddy, I’m so sorry,” Changbin swooped into the bathroom, wrapping Hyunjin in his arms, making sure to close the door. 

“E-everyone was s-so loud and people kept t-touching me and talking and th-they were, it was just too much,”

“Shh,” Changbin soothed, running his hands through Hyunjin’s hair, “It’s okay, I’m here now, no one is going to hurt you.”

“I-I’m sorry for being such a c-crybaby.” Hyunjin buried his head even further in Changbin’s shoulder, tear beginning to soak his shirt.

“No, no, you’re not a crybaby. You’ve done nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with being afraid of the intoxicated. Now how about we get you out of here to where it’s quieter, huh?”

Hyunjin slowly nodded and Chanbin helped him up, Hyunjin leaning in him heavily, face hidden, arm slung around Changbin’s shoulder. It was actually quite easily to get Hyunjin out of Chan’s house, all Changbin had to do was answer any questioning stares with, “He just drank too much”

They made it out the door and two streets over before the duo collapsed on the curb, Hyunjin burying his face in Changbin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for being such a mess.”

Changbin’s heart tore at the words, “No, Hyunjin, it’s not your fault. Plus, it’s not like you ruined anything for me.”

“But I dragged you all the way over here to go to a party just to make sure that I had someone with me when I freaked out. All I can see is him, you know. When people are drunk and loud all I can see is my father coming home, face red, screaming at me, shards of a broken bottle flying…” Hyunjin broke out in tears.

Changbin gently rubbed his back, “It’s okay buddy I got you. I’ll always be here. No matter what I’ll always be here for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this instead of studying for calc so if anyone could teach me how to find the magnitude of torque that would be greatly appreciated because its honestly torque-ture
> 
> ...okay I'm going now, but please leave comments if you liked the chapter or just want to complain about math (or teach me something, my test is 7th period so pls hmu)


	11. Chapter 11

That night after the party Changbin dropped Hyunjin off at his doorstep instead of his usual around the corner, a fact that neither of them thought much of until the next morning. They both had assumed that Hyunjin’s parents were safely asleep in bed, they hadn’t expected Hyunjin’s mom to have been peeping out through her bedroom window at midnight. But when Hyunjin woke up the next morning he was met with stern words.

“Last night your mother mentioned that the poor boy dropped you off, what were you doing out with him?”

The color drained out of Hyunjin’s face. “Oh, we were just, at the same party and uh, were heading in the same direction and he dropped me off.”

“Really? Because his kind of housing is in the opposite direction.” Hyunjin’s mom’s mouth was set in a hard line, gaze firm and unblinking.

“Um, uh, well...you see,”

Hyunjin’s dad slammed his fist onto the table, causing the dishes to rattle. “No, I don’t see. How many times have we told you to stay away from his kind? All they do is cause trouble, increase the crime and drug rate of the city. It’s outrageous to think that you would associate with that kind of riff-raff.”

“No, it’s not like that. They’re not like that.  _ He’s  _ not like that. Changbin has two younger siblings that he takes care of and--”

“Give me your phone.” Hyunjin’s dad spoke firmly, holding out his hand expectantly.

“I--what?” 

“Give me your phone. I won’t repeat myself again. You apparently have been hanging out with Changbin too much, I need your phone to see the extent of the damage.”

Hyunjin fished his phone out of his pocket and mutely handed it over. Although on the outside he seemed collected, on the inside his thoughts were running a mile a minute. What was his dad going to do with his phone? Did he have any incriminating text messages on it? Or was the fact that he was texting Changbin enough? 

The sound of his mom’s voice snapped Hyunjin out of his stupor. “Now, to help with this rather, unfortunate developement, your dad and I have decided that you should help us plan out our new proposition that is going to debut at the end of the week. You know the one, about drug abuse in teens?”

Hyunjin nodded, mouth suddenly dry. He sure knew exactly what his mom was talking about. This was the project that he and Changbin had insulted many times, had hoped that it would just stay an idea forever. It was centered around how schools tackled the problem of drug abuse, but was mainly aimed at the lower income students with penalties including revoking students ability to apply for aid paying for sports or other outside fees. In the end all this project would achieve is more shame towards those who were economically less fortunate.

Desperately, Hyunjin tried to come up with the reason why he couldn’t help out, knowing that the majority of his friend group would never forgive him if he did. “Uh, this week you said? Oh, that’s terribly unfortunate, I’m afraid I have to organize this really important event for English club.”

“Then make it another week,” Hyunjin’s dad snapped back.

“You’re going to be the face of this project, Hyunjin, this isn’t something you can miss for one of your school clubs. Plus, this is so much more important, I’m sure your teachers will understand.” Hyunjin’s mom smiled at him sweetly, clear that there was no way around his participation.

“Wait--the face of this project?”

“Of course, you’re going to be the one giving the speech when it is introduced. Isn’t that so exciting?” Hyunjin’s mom clapped her hands, “Your first debut on the political stage, which you better not mess up.” Her gaze turned from happy to predatory s she practically hissed out the last part, looking Hyunjin dead in the eyes. 

Hyunjin gulped. She was serious. And that meant there was no easy way out of this, at least not through a path he wanted to take. It was blaringly obvious that the only thing keeping his dad from beating him to a pulp where he sat was this project and the image that came along with it. His mom had perfectly orchestrated the trap and Hyunjin had walked right into it. 

Forcing a smile onto his face, Hyunjin spoke in a fake cheary tone “Of course I’ll debut this project. What do we have to do first?”

His mom’s returning smile was all poison as her plan played out perfectly, “Well why don’t you and I go work out the details of this while your dad deals with your phone. You haven’t changed your password, right?”

“Of course not,” Hyunjin replied as he was led into his mom’s office, relieved that he actually hadn’t changed his password, too afraid of the consequences if his parents found out. At least he had something right for once.

 

Several hours later, Hyunjin and his mom emerged from the office, the outline for the plan laid out--not as if Hyunjin had dome much more than sit there and nod as him mom laid out what was going to be done. Sure, he had gotten to contribute to trivial things such as color, but for the main part it had just been her planning and refusing to listen to a single word that came out of Hyunjin’s mouth. 

When Hyunjin had suggested that the project was too detrimental to those who were less fortunate and did not adequately address the problem that also existed among the rich and popular kids, his mom had nearly bit his head off, screaming that he didn’t truly understand the problem and was always trying to defend the poor and that Changbin had polluted his mind and blinded him to the world. Or it was something like that at least. In truth, Hyunjin had tuned her out after the first angry word, having realized that she wasn’t going to listen to reason and he was just her puppet to move around however she wanted. 

At least that night he got to eat a full dinner. They had all sat together at the table and talked about the project and how it was going to help his dad so much when he ran for mayor and how Hyunjin’s involvement was just going to further help their point because “look at how good and well behaved the son is, isn’t he just perfect, already trying to better his community?”

Hyunjin did his best to tune them out and focused instead on eating as much as possible without being yelled at for being impolite. It was a harder task than one would think. 

Then, after doing the dishes, Hyunjin was sent up to his room to work on his “pressing homework” that actually didn’t truly exist. Hyunjin had finished all of his homework on Friday after school, but his parents didn’t know that and he needed an excuse to escape to his room where his computer was. 

Once in his room, Hyunjin jumped onto his bed and flipped open his laptop, leg bouncing with anxiety as he logged in. He had to tell Changbin what was going on, explain everything that was going to happen in the next week, get his advice. But, as soon as Hyunjin logged in, he found himself locked out of all of his social media accounts, courtesy of his dad. The only thing left was email. Changbin rarely checked his email, claiming that if someone truly needed something they would just text him and email was just for business items he was too young for and scams. Well, there was no harm in trying. 

Deciding to send the email to everyone in their friend group, Hyunjin took a deep breath and started writing: 

To: Han Jisung, Bang Chan, Kim Woojin, Seo Changbin, Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin

Message: Hey guys! So this weekend I got my phone taken away for hanging out with Changbin and now I have to help my parents with this project thing about drugs. Before you have to hear this from everyone else, I just want to make clear that this project in no way reflects my views and I have no choice in the matter. Thank you all for being so understanding and see you on Monday!

After pressing send, Hyunjin let out a sigh of relief, hoping that no friendships would be damaged by what his parents were forcing him to do. In the following week there was going to be little time for hanging out with friends, his parents expecting him right after school every day and Hyunjin just wanted them all to be on the same page before he disappeared off the face of the earth.  

 

Sunday passed much in the same way as Saturday: helping his parents plan for the debut of the project which now had a title: “Ending the War Against Drugs in Schools”. It was a little basic and wordy for Hyunjin’s taste, but he didn’t dare debate it, his mom way too confident in her naming abilities to accept constructive criticism. 

At the very end of the day, Hyunjin did get his phone back though. He opened it up to discover the majority of his apps gone and text messages deleted. 

“I put some parental controls on it so I can see where you are and what you’re doing. You can get your apps back if the project proposal goes well.” Hyunjin’s dad announced in a voice that left no room for argument. “But don’t think you’re off the hook, we’re going to talk about what I found on it and punishments tomorrow.”

Hyunjin’s heart sank. He knew that his parents didn’t approve with his relationship with Changbin, but just how much had his dad found? How mad was he truly? This was the first time Hyunjin couldn’t clearly read the expression on his dad’s face and it scared him. His dad was always the open book, his anger clear for anyone to see, but today his expression was guarded, like he had pulled the curtains closed. 

That night Hyunjin went to sleep looking forward to the reprieve school would offer him from the minefield that was his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, sorry guys, this chapter really sucks.
> 
> But today does mark a year since posted the first chapter of Drowning in the Sea of Anxiety, so that's kind of exciting!
> 
> Sorry, I'm going now lol

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and kudos and follow me on Instagram @intricate_6


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